I'm going to vent for a moment, I apologize. I'm not asking for sympathy, just need to put some thoughts down and get it out. Sometimes I think how much I love my job. Some nights I take care of the most precious babies and children you can imagine. I LOVE when I get to rock a baby, bottle feed, bathe, and oohhh and gahh over a tiny lovely face.
Other times I think how sad, overwhelming, stressful, and powerful my job is in my life. I don't think I realize how intense (no pun intended) my work is and how heavy it can lay on my heart when I go home. Why does God allow horrible things to happen to His precious children, and by children, I mean CHILDREN? And what's even worse there have been time that I have thought, "this poor child needs a new family, their family doesn't deserve them!! " Being in Memphis we see tend to see some pretty horrible things parents do to their children and I am appalled each time however when I'm at work, it's work. I'm here 12hrs, I also need to distance myself or the reality of it all will truely hinder the care I provide.
Lastly, I think about the chronically ill children that we have in our unit at times. These to me are the hardest. I have a hard time wrapping my head and heart around their little lives. I wish that they could talk, not breath on a vent their whole lives, and have a real childhood. I can't image the choices these parents make about the care and future of these kids. Again, God, why?