I'm going to vent for a moment, I apologize. I'm not asking for sympathy, just need to put some thoughts down and get it out. Sometimes I think how much I love my job. Some nights I take care of the most precious babies and children you can imagine. I LOVE when I get to rock a baby, bottle feed, bathe, and oohhh and gahh over a tiny lovely face.
Other times I think how sad, overwhelming, stressful, and powerful my job is in my life. I don't think I realize how intense (no pun intended) my work is and how heavy it can lay on my heart when I go home. Why does God allow horrible things to happen to His precious children, and by children, I mean CHILDREN? And what's even worse there have been time that I have thought, "this poor child needs a new family, their family doesn't deserve them!! " Being in Memphis we see tend to see some pretty horrible things parents do to their children and I am appalled each time however when I'm at work, it's work. I'm here 12hrs, I also need to distance myself or the reality of it all will truely hinder the care I provide.
Lastly, I think about the chronically ill children that we have in our unit at times. These to me are the hardest. I have a hard time wrapping my head and heart around their little lives. I wish that they could talk, not breath on a vent their whole lives, and have a real childhood. I can't image the choices these parents make about the care and future of these kids. Again, God, why?
Monday, November 23, 2009
Some times the daily stresses of life totally get in the way and block our view of how awesome life is. As you have read this blog is meant to be a place for me to reflect and I am so thankful for all the I have in this life. God has blessed me more than I deserve! Just to update you on my weekend I went home to Little Rock. My how fast the weekends go by!!! I hated to leave Sunday afternoon!!!
I wanted to stay and spend time with my parents. My mom recently got a new puppy, Greta and she is perfect. Gretchen, her alternate personality, however is not perfect. She bites everything she can get in her mouth with her sharp puppy teeth...your hand, finger, Charter's tail, anything other than a toy. It was so fun watching Charter and Greta together. I can't wait for Bailey to meet her and see what she thinks!! Most importantly I am so thankful for my mom to have her. After Abby passed away 4 or 5 years ago my parent's house has not been the same without a dog. My mom is so incredibly happy to have that pup to love on and it brings a smile to my face to know that she is happy!
Saturday afternoon I went to Sarah's and spent a few hours with her, Brit, Jason, Silas, Sarah and John, and couple friend of Sarah and Taylor's from Sunday School. They had a few people over after the Razorback win (which I'm thankful for too :). I wish so much that I could spend more time with Sarah. I hate being hours away, I'd love to be able to run over to each others house for a cup of coffee or glass of wine when we just want to talk for a bit. I'll be in Little Rock for awhile over Thanksgiving and hope to catch up on some of that time!
Sunday, I went to my grandmother's for a yummy pre-thanksgiving lunch! So Good!! That afternoon I met Stuart at deer camp and we went hunting. So fun!! We sat for a while in a box stand and never saw anything until it was just starting to get dark. I spied a buck about a long way out and then we saw 4 doe. I love seeing deer!!! Of course they were to far to get a shot, but it was beautiful. Being a girl I then had to go to the bathroom really bad, but held it until it was offically dark. I didn't want to be "that girl." Stuart, thanks for taking me hunting!!! It's fun to share hunting adventures with you! I feel like a girl in the hunting videos!
Now, I'm back in Memphis, working 3 nights in a row, praying they go by fast so I can celebrate all that I'm thankful !!!